Friday, January 6, 2012

Flash Fiction Friday #5


Bowser’s eagerness to get going today was uncharacteristic even for the overgrown pup.  His enthusiastic yips forced my overgrown rump out of slumber and into the early morning chill.
With one sniff, he bolted and was gone.  Laboring along behind, wishing he’d given me time to start the coffee, I heard his excitement change timbre.  With a new urgency, he called to me.
“What is it boy?  What!” I hurried on and caught up with him around the bend.  Bowser was on point at a holly bush.  Fallen berries blazed red on the snow-covered ground.  Berries…no, crimson beads of blood.

14 comments:

  1. Dear Susan,

    I enjoyed your story very much. Overgrown pup and overgrown rump one after the other was a speed-bump for me o the snowy road to Bowser's discovery. I mention that only as data for you to parse, not as judgement of any kind. That aside, and I do mean aside, you rendered the morning well, from missed coffee to crimson beads of blood. Nice job.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh...I was toying a little with word play. I'm glad it didn't take too much away from the point of my piece. I appreciate your honest view. Thank you for taking the time to read. I didn't get too much traffic on here today for some reason. I think I posted too late...

    Take care,
    Susan

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ah! We had a lot of you seeing dead bodies in the snow today! Well, yours isn't a body, yet, but I can see it going there.

    Not sure why you haven't gotten more traffic, but it did seem to peak earlier today than it usually does. I'll tweet and post you to FB to see if that helps a little.

    Loved your story!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Chilling.. I like it that you keep it open. Who's blood is it?
    An animal's or is someone injured and hiding? Is someone dead?
    Nice chilling account. I like the way your words flow. They took me with them!
    An engaging story well written!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thank you Madison...you don't need to do that, but I appreciate it. I try to write sweetly, but the savage seems to flow easier...I try not to question why. haha.
    ~Susan

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thank you too, Parul. "Chilling" is how I wanted it to read!

    Now, how did I miss your 100 word post? I'll have to go check that out now...

    ~Susan

    ReplyDelete
  7. I like how quickly you get to the discovery of the blood. It sets the mood and pace perfectly.

    Here's mine:
    http://wp.me/p1Tjpv-7H

    ReplyDelete
  8. What did Bowser find??? Ooh! Nice flash!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Thank you Susie! I'm sure he found something gross...my dogs are always finding nasty surprises when we hike...

    ReplyDelete
  10. Thank you too, Vincent. I'll come check your out...

    ReplyDelete
  11. Very realistic dialogue. This is exactly how someone talks to an excited dog when they are alone with them. :) I do love the ending.

    The link to my drabble is here: http://quillshiv.wordpress.com/2012/01/06/drifting/

    ReplyDelete
  12. Thank you for reading. I had fun, albeit gruesome fun, with this week's picture. I'll come check out your's!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Everyone except me knew it was a dog. I swear, it looked like an alpaca when I first saw it.

    I like this, just a curios little pup but then... dun dun dun.

    Well played!

    Elise

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha...well, if your mind saw an alpaca, then that's your inspiration! I tend to have a morbid side when I write...thanks for reading!

      ~Susan

      Delete