Friday, February 3, 2012

Flash Fiction Friday #9


“PEW!  It stinks like animals up here!”
Alerted by the woman’s proclamation of disgust, he scurried to safety only seconds before the hikers appeared.  He felt ashamed, not by his musk, but because he’d been engrossed in the sunset and had not sensed the humans until they were too close. 
Animal?  He was glad to be thought an animal.  Humans were depraved and wasteful. Humans killed without cause and destroyed without purpose.   
Jeremiah sneered.  He no longer missed living among them. 
He waited until they were long gone before gathering his easel and paints and heading back to his cabin. 
(See http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/ if you want to play too.  Look for the #FridayFictioneers on Twitter!)

28 comments:

  1. I like this. I was thinking the story was going to go somewhere entirely different. Nice touch at the end! ;)

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    1. Thank you. I hoped his painting would make him seem more "civilized"....

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    1. Thank you for reading. I'm off to check out your post!

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  3. Kinda thought he was a werewolf at first. :P I like the idea of this old man just flipping out. It applies to my state actually. ;)

    Well played!

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    1. I'll admit I envy him a little. I've always said I would like to drop out of society and move to a cabin in the middle of the woods. I'm pretty close...

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  4. That was completely unexpected and a very refreshing take on the prompt!

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    1. Thank you for reading and commenting. I never know where the photo is going to take me!

      ~Susan

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  5. Great last sentence! Makes the whole piece work in concert. Here's mine: http://furiousfictions.com.

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    1. I'm glad you enjoyed this week's offering. I had a bit of a time getting everything just right - or at least close enough. I'm off to check out your work.

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  6. Wow — Your imagination really flew on that one! My fantasy, except for the smell, I guess. It really perked my attention; nicely done.

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    1. I figure he stinks because there is no need to bathe, really, and because he want to blend in to his environment. Me? I'd have to have the occasional shower - and cup of coffee!

      ~Susan

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  7. I like this - a very different and fun take on the photo prompt. I can certainly empathize with Jeremiah. In fact I can well imagine ending up just like him!

    Here's my entry:
    http://jaykayel.wordpress.com/2012/02/03/circular-logic-100-word-flash-fiction/

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    1. Yep! Sometimes I get so tired of so-called civilized people, I could just scream. The news of late has just sickened me - I think that's why my mind went where it did. Thank you for reading.

      ~Susan

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  8. I think you may have created the ideal lifestyle. Vincent of the woods. Enjoyed this very much. Go use of point of view to trick us into thinking this was an animal character. Actually, it was an animal, a human animal. If you could get your hands on some of the paintings, I'd be interested. Thanks a ton for the nice words on my tale.

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    1. It was my pleasure, as I enjoy your writing. I hope you are working on something longer...

      Oh my gosh! Can you even imagine what he might be painting?! I think some of the greatest artists were recluses - weren't they?

      ~Susan

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  9. Yours is the most unique story yet, Susan. Wonderful. Loved how you made us think at first he was an animal and then revealed his ex-humanity.

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    1. Thank you, Madison. Thank you for reading and for your great comment!

      ~Susan

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  10. Very good. I think we can all relate to Jeremiah at times.

    Here's mine: http:// www.banterwithbeth.blogspot.com

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    1. Yes, we can. I know I wouldn't mind a "break" from society. Thank you for reading.

      ~Susan

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  11. Loved this! Great understanding of the hermit-nature of an artist's life.

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    1. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thank you for reading and understanding...

      ~Susan

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  12. Dear Susan,

    This was delightful. You led me along the forest path, so to speak, and I followed willingly to an ending that was as telling as it was perfect. The transition from a simple forest tale about chipmunks or something furry led skillfully into a morality tale and a view into a way of life many will never understand. Well done.

    Aloha,

    Doug

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    1. Dear Doug,

      You write the nicest comments! I travel where my mind takes me...I'm glad you enjoyed the journey as well.

      ~Susan

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  13. I love this Susan! And Doug described it perfectly. You took us by the hand down a trail of wonder, and when I arrived, I went back and saw all the clues along the way. Very nice!

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    1. Oh, thank you! It means a lot to me that you caught my attempts to drop hints about Jeremiah. Thank you for reading and commenting.

      ~Susan

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  14. I really like this one. I feel like it was well-crafted and complete as a story, which is so hard to do in these Friday showings. The sense of frustration at humanity is poignant. I had a busy weekend that prevented me from getting around to the stories as soon as I would have liked, but I am very glad to have arrived at last.

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    1. It's always nice to get one or two new appreciative comments when I think the Friday posting is over. It's great to know someone is still reading. On that note, thank you for reading and commenting! I am glad you enjoyed this piece.

      ~Susan

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