Thursday, March 22, 2012

Flash Fiction #15



Below is an adapted hundred word clip from my full length work in progress.  I decided it was time to share it with the world.  It's reaching completion, so the next step would be to send out a few query letters.  Maybe.  We'll see.  

Presenting, this week's Flash Fiction chunked out of my yet to be titled...dare I say it...novel.  Enjoy...or not.  I'd love to hear what you think.

The stench of menthol cigarettes still lingered though Christine knew the man had moved on long ago.  If he found her, she would be dead too.  But he hadn’t.  Yet.  He’d been pursuing her all day, and she had managed to evade him once again. 

Exhausted, she would spend the night here, protected by the thick brush. She needed sleep…and a plan.   He had caught her off-guard earlier today, but now it was time to play her ace – to draw upon all she learned during her time at the military’s elite SERE survival school. 
     
Tomorrow morning, flight would become fight. 

See http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/ for the weekly photo prompt.  Read what the #FridayFictioneers have to offer on her blog and on Twitter!  

46 comments:

  1. This would definitely draw me in as a reader. Well done for nearing the end of your novel! If I were to have a serious comment to make, it would be that the phrase 'military's elite SERE survival school' sounded a bit expositional. But perhaps you did that for this exercise to make it a bit clearer for this group. It would be nice to see a bit more of this excerpt. Good piece.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, it is tweaked for the taste of the group. It does stick out a bit (in my mind) in the 100 word work. It is smoother in the novel - not so in the face (like now). I'm glad it tickled your interest. Gives me hope.

      ~Susan

      Delete
  2. Oops: mine's at http://castelsarrasin.wordpress.com/2012/03/23/to-bring-you-home-friday-fictioneers/

    ReplyDelete
  3. Well if this was the extract on the advert i'd definitely want to take a closer look at the novel. Well done for getting it (almost) finished!

    A little point from me. (I am always being told off for this by my beta readers!) think about going through and contracting some of the words. For example, "she would" to "she'd" and "he had" to "he'd". It makes the pacing flow more smoothly and just reads a little more easily. I still haven't perfected this in my own work, so I'm conscious of being the pot calling the kettle black here, but I do think it's a good idea.

    Otherwise, I loved this and I'm totally rooting for the girl!

    I'm over here: http://elmowrites.wordpress.com/2012/03/23/friday-fictioneers-the-crater/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I will admit I removed a few of the contractions to get the word count exactly to 100. I tend to use contractions throughout the longer piece (although I will leave myself a note on my comment sheet to check for consistency.) Thank you for reading. I really appreciate your time...

      ~Susan

      Delete
  4. Colour me interested! There's so much I'd like to know: why is she running? Why is this guy chasing her? How will she fight back?

    Definitely interested to find out the answers. Good luck on finishing the novel!

    http://garybaileywriting.wordpress.com/2012/03/23/fridayfictioneers-crimson-sunset/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm so glad I piqued your interest. That makes me happy to know someone else might eventually enjoy this story as much as I am.

      Thank you for reading!
      ~Susan

      Delete
  5. Your novel sounds wonderful. Let us know when it comes out. Sounds like it's right up my alley. Good job.
    Mine's at http://shirleymccann.blogspot.com/2012/03/flash-friday-evil-awaits.html

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for the support, Shirley. I'm sure the fictioneers will be the first to know if I succeed.

      ~Susan

      Delete
  6. This is a great piece that tickles interest in the larger work...these lines above would buy anyone, deserving of a good tale in. Well done!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you kindly. Your positive words mean a lot to me. Thank you for taking the time to post them.

      ~Susan

      Delete
  7. If this is a piece of your WIP, I'd say you have a pretty good thing going. I want more.

    Here's mine: http://teschoenborn.com/2012/03/22/friday-fictioneer-3/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's good to know. Sometimes I feel like I am staring at a few hundred pages of words. Thank you for you comment.

      ~Susan

      Delete
  8. So far this one is my favorite. You set it up well and I would love to read more.

    Mine is here: http://www.lisamccourthollar.com/2012/03/dead.html?spref=fb

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That makes me happy to know you like it. It's been a labor of love, so far. I mean - I initially started writing for myself - and have watched it grow into something else. Thank you...

      ~Susan

      Delete
  9. Drew me right in. I'd enjoy this type of novel and I, too, want to know more. Go, Christine--and Susan! And have more confidence. ;) You write well. Good luck.

    I have some haiku about our beach vacation on my blog if anyone is interested. I'll post my flash fiction later. Been at the dermatologist. Http:// banterwithbeth.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for reading and commenting, Beth. Sometimes I get caught up in the web of worry, but it's nice knowing you would find this story worth your while. It gives me hope!

      ~Susan

      Delete
  10. Good use of the sense of smell in the 1st paragraph. It put me right in the scene. You do write well. Best wishes with your novel.

    thanks for the nice comment on mine

    http://russellgayer.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I debated between stink and stench, but earlier in the novel, Christine mentions how much she hates cigarettes...thus, I went with stench. It's how she knows the man is around...several times in the story.

      Thanks for stopping by, Russell.

      ~Susan

      Delete
  11. Very catching piece. I would continue to read it, if it were a novel. Well done for finishing your novel. Wish you all the best with it. Cheers!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hopefully soon, it will be a novel with a shiny cover and rich smelling pages...or a blip on an e-reader. But, my vote is for paper...thank you for your support.

      ~Susan

      Delete
  12. This is awesome Susan. Your book must rock!! I love how you set it up with the tension and yet you get the feeling of this woman's confidence.
    Excellent!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am writing from a woman's perspective - about how she is trying to re-find her purpose. I hope it plays out well in the end without being too preachy or sappy. I love seeing her strength develop as the story goes on.

      Thank you for stopping by and commenting (and thanks for the tweets)

      ~Susan

      Delete
  13. Hi Susan,
    Looking forward to reading your novel when it comes out. You have a great premise. Have you thought about who would portray your main character in the movie? Seriously, this is quality writing and you should be proud.
    My story is here: http://bridgesareforburning.wordpress.com/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you - I'll send a signed copy to you. haha. How did you know I have only recently been wondering if it would make a good film? As for the who...Christine = off the top of my head, maybe Zoe Bell. And the man = Jimmy Smits? I actually never thought about that before.

      ~Susan

      Delete
  14. Susan, Wishing you well with your novel--it this "smidgin" is any indicator, it should be a bestseller. I'm a mystery reader and I want more! :-) Very well done.

    Mine: www.vlgregory-circa1800.vpweb.com/blog.html

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That would be a dream...pay for my kids' college. I'm glad you liked this little bit.

      ~Susan

      Delete
  15. You picked a great piece for flash friday fictioneers as it read well as a short piece. Good luck with the novel.

    here's mine: http://postcardfiction.com/2012/03/23/trapped/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! It's a synopsis of the end of one of the first couple sections. I'm trying to end each (don't really have set chapters as of yet - not sure how I'm going to do that) leaving the reader wanting more. I guess that's how it's done.

      ~Susan

      Delete
  16. Well this is a solid bit of thriller, very brisk and trim. I couldn't tell if it was meant for young adults or just plain adults. The 100 words made a good chapter ending, with flight to fight.
    Good luck with this.
    The editing will kill you, but you must keep at it!
    Lindaura

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I suppose it would be acceptable for young adults but is aimed at an older group. There is no sex and little swearing (if any) throughout but tends to get a little dark and violent at times. As for the editing...I am enrolled in U of Washington's copy editing program for self-serving reasons as well as professional reasons. I guess, the more professional my work looks, the easier it will be for someone to read (and want to publish).

      Thank you for taking the time to read and comment.

      ~Susan

      Delete
  17. I do seriously find it intriguing. This clip sounds like it's from near the beginning of your novel, and if so, does this set up the story? Is it thriller, scifi, or does it have a touch of the paranormal? When you're ready to test out your 25 word pitch send it over for the Thursday pitch slam at my blog!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, you guessed it - it's from the beginning. It leads into the second half/two-thirds of the story. It's a straight up modern-day thriller with a military edge, but not too much - I'm no Tom Clancy - haha (there is the slightest brush with the paranormal too). I've been mulling over the 25 words...

      Thank you!

      ~Susan

      Delete
  18. I like how imaginative writers are in using Madison's prompt to explore/writer longer pieces. I did the same this week: http://furiousfictions.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Since my entire book (less the conclusion chapter) takes place in the forest, her photos have been inspiring. I look forward to seeing which direction you took with this week's pic.

      ~Susan

      Delete
  19. Excellent excerpt, Susan. I'd definitely want to read more. Good luck with your queries. Keep us posted!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have hope when I read that Stephen King (a personal favorite) had so many rejection slips that the nail he hung them on fell out of the wall. Thank you for reading and for the support!

      ~Susan

      Delete
  20. Sorry, my comment got screwed up. just wanted to say this was excellent, well written, and a great glimpse of the novel. I especially enjoyed the senses being involved with the cigarette stench, and the last line ready to fight.

    Mine is here:
    http://writetuit.wordpress.com/2012/03/24/flash-friday-kill-shot/#comment-546

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No problem, Judee! I fixed it. Her sense of smell seems to play a part throughout the whole novel, now that I think about it. I'm glad you likes the segue too...I didn't know if it was too cliche.

      ~Susan

      Delete
  21. This excerpt was a tease and left me wanting more. Nice job. Good luck and keep us posted re. the novel. Here's mine:
    www.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good. I guess that was a good appetizer then! I'll keep writing!

      ~Susan

      Delete
  22. I love it, Susan, especially the reference to SERE school. I wonder whether there might be a way to make the SERE reference slightly more naturally -- ? I know you have to define it for the reader, but I was worried that it was one of those moments when I could kind of tell you were giving an expository detail for our sake even though it's probably not exactly what the character would think. Does that make sense? Obviously, I love the piece and also think it's a great teaser -- I'm up for the novel! But I wanted to mention that because I noticed it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes...that is an awkward sentence. It is much better in the whole piece, but I didn't want to leave the reader wondering what SERE school is. I guess I could have just added a footnote to the piece - you're not the first person to point out that sentence. Thank you for reading!

      ~Susan

      Delete
  23. This is a wonderful post. You have a great talent, and I really enjoy reading your posts.

    www.modernworld4.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Gina! It's nice to hear from you. I have to go check out your blog now. Thank you for commenting...

      ~Susan

      Delete
  24. Good luck on your novel. This "tidbit" assures me that it will be a success. Nicely done.

    Mine: www.vlgregory-circa1800.vpweb.com/blog.html

    ReplyDelete