Thursday, April 26, 2012

Flash Fiction #19

For this week, the photo prompt from Madison was a loop of barbed wire.  Coincidentally, this twisted fencing plays a part in my full-length novel (in progress...50K words and counting).  So…I shall share with you another little chunk of the perils of poor Christine.  (PS – I still have no title for my thriller.  I suppose it will come to me in due time.)  By the way, if you missed it, here's a link to the previous posting from the story.


In her frenzied flight, Christine had forgotten about the strand of barbed wire strung across the road.  It caught her mid-shin and she fell forward onto the gravel, her face scrubbing the ground as she skidded to a stop. She clambered to her feet and ran on, her body now screaming with pain.  She could not stop though; the man was only yards behind her. 

Ahead lay the washout.  Christine made a desperate leap across the gap but missed the other side.  She plummeted backwards into the void and disappeared over the side of the cliff with the rushing snowmelt.

51 comments:

  1. Man, now I want to know what happened after the plummet! Ugh! Great tease and great pic of the barbed wire. Funny, that pic is amazing because if one were to remove the barbed wire, it would only be that of a beautiful sunset. So many meanings in that pic, thanks!

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    1. Hopefully, someday, everyone (well, anyone who reads - if this book makes it to the library) will know how it ends. They say a picture speaks a thousand words...each person who sees it grabs onto only one or two - all different! Thanks for reading, Jack!

      ~Susan

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  2. Dang! Now I'm sore just reading what she went through. You convey the urgency immediately in this short piece. I hope she makes it to whereever she is going.

    Mine is here: http://erinleary.wordpress.com/2012/04/26/flash-friday-fiction-9/

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    1. I tried to detail the urgency of the situation. I am glad it worked. Thank you for reading and commenting.

      ~Susan

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  3. Christine is having one of those days. Is there more to come?

    Here's mine: http://thebradleychronicles.wordpress.com/

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    1. Yes...there is much more ahead for her. Good and bad. She's strong and will come out of this - maybe a little banged up and bruised - but certainly will survive.

      ~Susan

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  4. I hope this isn't the end of her. Poor girl.

    http://castelsarrasin.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/trespass/

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    1. Oh...it's not. She has many more chapters ahead of her. Thank you for stopping by!

      ~Susan

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  5. Oh. Gosh. I felt it when she nailed the barbed wire and faceplanted. I groaned in sympathy. I hope she still makes it. I hope. Great job

    My attempt: http://unduecreativity.wordpress.com/2012/04/26/sharp/

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  6. You leave me no choice but to go back and read the first part of the story - Nice!

    Here's my first try at one of these prompts (I wish I'd found these sooner) -- http://pinionpost.com/2012/04/27/the-letter/

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    1. Ahhh...but you've found the fictioneers now! Welcome and glad you could come out to play. Thanks for reading (the old and the new)!

      ~Susan

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  7. Nice rythm to this. Well done! Here is My attempt...http://blog.tompoet.com/?p=312

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    1. Thanks for reading, Tom. I appreciate the compliment!

      ~Susan

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  8. Lot's of tension in that scene. It made my heartrate increase. Well done!

    http://russellgayer.blogspot.com/

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    1. Thanks for reading, Russell. I loved yours this week!

      ~Susan

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  9. So gripping and full of suspense, with the need to know what happened. Beautiful! Here is mine: http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/fridayfictioneers-sobibor/

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    1. I'll have to share bits of the book from time to time...I'm glad you enjoyed it!

      ~Susan

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  10. Very engaging!
    I hope she escapes!

    Parul
    http://faitaccompli.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/building-boundaries/

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    1. Oh...she does. This is about a third of the way into the book. I don't mean to torture her so...really!

      ~Susan

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  11. you certainly build the tension and drama for us here. Good luck with the rest of the novel!
    I'm over here: http://elmowrites.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/friday-fiction-soul-memories/

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    1. Thanks...I have the bones of it...I just need to cover it all with a smooth skin. Thanks for stopping by!

      ~Susan

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  12. Wow – an action scene through and through. It has urgency, fighting through pain, suspense, all the good stuff and no lagging. Nice.

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    1. Thank you, Carlos. I always look forward to your take.

      ~Susan

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  13. I hope she caught a branch or something...Great description. I was going "oh," "ouch," throughout the short piece.
    Excellent~

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    1. Thanks, Susie. This story started out as a thriller but I seem to be adding more action as I go along.

      ~Susan

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  14. OUCH! Poor Christine! This was too much for me. Just hitting that barbed wire at full speed would have left a nasty gash in her leg. I could hardly keep reading after that - and then you sent her over a cliff! How cruel are we???
    Makes mine seem like honey...
    Laura
    http://fictionvictimtoo.blogspot.com

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    1. Yes, she did get cut up pretty bad...I don't mean to be so mean to her! I promise...she comes out ok in the end!

      ~Susan

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  15. Weirdly, I actually like that she missed the leap. A pet peeve of mine is how the hero always makes the jump, catching their entire weight with just a few fingers - this feels much more realistic. Kudos for that.

    Mine's here:
    http://garybaileywriting.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/fridayfictioneers-hunterhunted/

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    1. Thanks! I hate it when the good guy in movies always dodges a hundred bullets too (but Christine does dodge a couple later...)

      ~Susan

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  16. Scary, who is the man chasing her? Is the amount of pain she's inflicting on herself to get away so bad? I want more story. Thank you for this share, here's mine http://remakingme-atiyatownes.blogspot.com/2012/04/flash-fiction-clearing-wire.html

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    1. Suffice it to say, he's a bad man and she was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I'm sure I'll share more later. (I'm glad you liked it!)

      ~Susan

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  17. Poor Christine--what a day! Very tense and vivid imagry--loved it. I do hope this is your main character, though--that way I know she WILL overcome. :-)

    Mine: http://www.vlgregory-circa1800.vpweb.com/blog.html

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    1. The whole story is evolving to be one where she learns what she can overcome. It's working well - so far!

      Thank you!

      ~Susan

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  18. That was great! I was with her every step of the way. Loved "her face scrubbing the ground." Very well-written :)

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    1. I didn't mean for you to feel her pain...but I'm glad you could!

      Thanks for commenting!

      ~Susan

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  19. As I read it, I went: "Uh-oh."
    Then "Ouch!"
    Then "Oh?"
    Then "Whoa!"
    Then "Oh no!"
    : )
    http://the-drabbler.com/trespass/

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    1. Yeah...she has a bunch of trouble in this piece, doesn't she? Thank you for reading!

      ~Susan

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  20. Whoa! The Perils of Poor Christine is right. I winced the whole way through this story, Susan. Nice job!

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    1. Thank you, Cara. I'm glad you enjoyed it!

      ~Susan

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  21. Dear Susan,

    I saw it coming and still cringed as she hit the barbed wire. Despite that I was totally unprepared for her demise after failing to make the last desperate leap. Well done.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    http://ironwoodwind.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/ask-anyway/

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    1. Thanks, Doug! I'm a little behind this weekend. School all day kept me from making my rounds. I'll be over your way in a bit.

      ~Susan

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  22. I just felt like I was in a book store, flipping through a novel and finding the passage that made me decide I had to buy it! Only, I can't buy it! :(. Here's hoping I'll get the chance one day. I certainly love what I'm reading so far!

    Here's my effort: http://wp.me/pReXn-fv

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    1. I'm trying! I'm trying! I hope and pray it will be on a bookstore shelf someday. Thank you so much for the encouragement. Sometimes I lose hope...then a kind remark like yours rekindles it.

      ~Susan

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  23. The pacing of this is absolutely spot on and feels like an extract from a top-flight thriller. Heart pounding, action packed, page turning stuff. Very nicely done. I suspect your novel will do very well, once released. Good luck! :-)

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    1. Oh...thank you very much. I am trying. Sometimes my own heart gets pounding when I write. I used to have my own name in the story - for lack of a better one - until I started dreaming about The Man.

      ~Susan

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  24. Heart-pounding action there, Susan! The only good thing is that her pursuer isn't likely to want to take the same route she did accidentally.

    I loved the way you used the phrase 'her face scrubbed the road' because it instantly conjured up the scene.

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    1. Exactly, Madison! Exactly! She paid a price when she fell...but I believe it will help her in the long run (no pun intended). Thank you for reading!

      ~Susan

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  25. Poor Christine... Does this happen to her every week?

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    1. Hi, Ted! She does seem to get into a lot of trouble, doesn't she? I think she is learning a lot in the process though...thank you for stopping by and commenting!

      ~Susan

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  26. Action packed, great sense of pace and dread built up here. Hope you come up with ha title, soon. I'd like to know who's chasing her and whether or not she's going to make it!

    My entry for the prompt is over over: http://joannakneilson.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/flash-fiction-friday-wire-pilgrimage/

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    1. I'm working on it. I need one that expresses the idea of the book without being too cliché. Maby "Next Steps"...since it's sort of a midlife crisis book. She is at a turning point and can't decided what to do next...and is questioning her purpose, etc. Thank you for your comment!

      ~Susan

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