Friday, May 18, 2012

Flash Fiction #21



“This house is perfect,” said Kami.

“Pshhh…that’s what you said about the last seven places, Honey,” Marc replied.

“But…”

“Look, I don’t even think I got the job,” said Marc.  “When I walked out, they said, ‘Don’t call us. We’ll call you.’ That’s not a good sign.  Maybe this whole trip to Hilo was a huge waste of time.”

“Oh, Marc.  You and your signs,” chuckled Kami. 

Marc turned away pretending to inspect a crack in the lanai, so she wouldn’t see the defeat in his face.

“Marc…look!”

A luminous swath of colors arced across the sky.  Marc’s phone rang. 

I miss Hawaii.  I miss the people, the flowers, the music, and the food...and the rainbows.  I used to see them daily.  They spoke of promise, and peacefulness...and they were damn pretty.  Someday I will live there again.  


Someday I will return to the land of sweet breezes...and rainbows.  



(Pardon the coo-coo flying through the video - I LOVE the footage of Iz in this version though.  He was the best...)

22 comments:

  1. Lovely vignette, Susan, and good music too – ukelele-reggae OverThe Rainbow, talk about fusion music! Did you see The Descendants? Great Hawaiian music throughout the film, which I thought was very good also.

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    1. Jawaiian/Hawaiian Reggae music is my favorite! And, I'm glad you liked the story - the two went hand in hand this week. (I haven't seen the movie yet but hope to soon!)

      ~Susan

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  2. I beleive the appearance of the rainbow and the phone call are good omens that Mack will get the job. Mine is here: http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2012/05/18/friday-fictioneers-sinking-low/

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    1. Oh...I think so too. Thank you for stopping by!

      ~Susan

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  3. Nice job of building the discouragement through the piece and then at the end giving it a kick and sending it flying out the window!

    My story - http://newpillowbook.wordpress.com/2012/05/18/friday-fictioneers-finding-the-gold/

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    1. Thank you kindly - I'm glad you liked it. Not my usual fare, but I couldn't corrupt a rainbow.

      ~Susan

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  4. Very nicely done! I like how the rainbow and the phone call happened at the same time, hopefully bringing good news :) Well done! http://theforgottenwife.com/2012/05/17/friday-fictioneers-2/

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    1. Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it. I'm sure things will go well for Marc and Kami...now they can continue with their house hunting in peace.

      ~Susan

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  5. So full of hope at the end. This would definitely ice the cake if he did actually get the job. Well told Susan. I loved it. Here is mone: http://remakingme-atiyatownes.blogspot.com/2012/05/friday-flash-fiction-country-walk.html

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    1. I think he will get the job - it seems to be his destiny. Rainbow says so...haha. Thank you for reading and commenting!

      ~Susan

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  6. Dear Susan,

    What a lovely story this week. The rainbow of affirmation and the ringing phone were perfect for Hawaii. You just have to believe, right?

    Thanks for checking out mine and for telling me that it inspired you. (Rainbows are touch, aren't they?) If you hadn't written something I would have tracked you down.....and given you stink. You're one of my favorites, girl.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    http://ironwoodwind.wordpress.com/2012/05/18/no-rain-no-rainbows-3/

    (This link is for your readers. Come visit. Aloha, D.)

    Aloha

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    1. Thank you ever so much, Doug. I knew I couldn't miss two weeks in a row - thanks for the motivation.

      ~Susan

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  7. Hi Susan,
    Somehow, I missed your story last week. I'm going to have to be more careful with more stories being posted because I want to be sure to read yours.
    Your story made me want to move to Hawaii. Let's establish a writers' colony there and have our own pet rainbows. I was wondering if you watch those house hunter shows on H&G channel. That's where is thought you were going at first, but then you turned it into a wistful dream.
    Mine is over here: http://bridgesareforburning.wordpress.com/

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    1. I didn't play last week, so you didn't miss anything. I have been crazy busy with school and life and copped out. Yours and one or two others are ones I don't want to miss - even if I don't write. I'm touched that you think the same of my writing.

      ~Susan (Hawaii is no ka oi!)

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  8. we can see signs if we look hard enough

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    1. I believe so...the positive and the negative guide us through life, if we dare pay attention.

      ~Susan

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  9. Susan ... you built the defeat and negativity so carefully, and then in one line turned it on its head. Great snapshot, and the music is killer, too. Mine is a bit more pedantic, I'm afraid, but can be found at http://scottcheck.blogspot.com/2012/05/rainbow-promises.html

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    1. Thank you for stopping by, Scott. (I'm glad you liked the music. Iz has great stuff!) I look forward to reading yours and am headed that way - albeit a week late!

      ~Susan

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  10. A good reminiscence on a place you once lived...with your description i wish i could go there too...Lovely!

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    1. So good to hear from you, Will. I've been to your blog but seem to be missing your new stories. Post a link here or on next week's post (of mine), so I can catch up! I like your writing!

      ~Susan

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  11. So glad you had time to write this week. Stories of hope are precious in tough times, and as much as I enjoy a little dystopian adventure, it's the 'wins' that keep me going.

    Kathy
    http://notforallmarkets.wordpress.com/2012/05/18/after/#comment-210

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    1. I love to write but am up to my arm pits in school work. I know it is to a good end, but it still keeps be quite busy now. I'm glad you too saw the hope in my story...thank you for reading!

      ~Susan

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