Thursday, August 2, 2012

Flash Fiction #28



Another bout of violent hacking echoed down the hall from the den-turned-sickroom.  His father was getting worse with each progressing hour, yet Carl found it near impossible to scrape together even the smallest iota of sympathy for the man.

One last convulsive cough was followed by a wheeze…and then silence.  

Carl rose slowly from his lounger to go check on the elder Morris.

Philip was sitting up in the hospital bed and grinned when his son appeared.  He removed the lit cigarette from the stoma in his neck, plugged the hole with his forefinger, and hissed, "I ain’t dead yet." 

Thank you to Madison for this exceptionally gross picture!  I love it but didn't know whether to go the alien route, write about fungus and rot, or reminisce about toasted marshmallows.  I finally decided it looked like something that might be growing in the lungs of a die-hard smoker.  Enjoy!  

Don't forget, if you want to join the Friday Fictioneers,  stop by Madison's Blog and join the gang!
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25 comments:

  1. the contradictory optimistAugust 2, 2012 at 11:41 PM

    I think people would immediately stop smoking if they saw something like this growing inside them! Interesting take on the prompt.

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    1. Susan WenzelAugust 7, 2012 at 6:00 PM

      Thank you for reading and commenting. Cancer is the first thing I thought of when I saw the prompt. Ok...the second. I really did think it looked like a toasted marshmallow at first. haha.

      ~Susan

      Delete
  2. Sandra CrookAugust 3, 2012 at 12:20 AM

    That's quite a picture, smoking through a stoma. I could believe it though. A graphic rendition on the prompt Susan. Well done.

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    1. Susan WenzelAugust 7, 2012 at 6:05 PM

      Hi, Sandra! I actually heard about a throat cancer survivor smoking through his stoma - don't remember where or when, but it stuck with me.

      ~Susan

      Delete
  3. UnknownAugust 3, 2012 at 2:18 AM

    Tough old man. Won't quit smoking, or living for that matter.

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    1. Susan WenzelAugust 7, 2012 at 6:08 PM

      Nope. Neither one...

      Thank you for stopping by. I'm off to read yours.

      ~Susan

      Delete
  4. XoananAugust 3, 2012 at 3:30 AM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

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  5. MikeAugust 3, 2012 at 3:33 AM

    Very poignant and convincing. Terrific story. (Prev comment forgot to add my name).

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    1. Susan WenzelAugust 7, 2012 at 6:11 PM

      Thanks for reading and commenting, Mike. I'm glad you liked it...

      ~Susan

      Delete
  6. AnonymousAugust 3, 2012 at 4:29 AM

    I think this is actually the most "eww" story I have read so far this week, simply because it's human (and internal, at that!) Choices, choices, and not always the right ones.

    http://www.lazuli-portals.com/flash-fiction/slick

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    1. Susan WenzelAugust 7, 2012 at 6:15 PM

      But we do have the freedom to make what ever choice we want...usually. Off to read yours...

      ~Susan

      Delete
  7. AnonymousAugust 3, 2012 at 5:56 AM

    A different take on the prompt, that worked really well.
    A poignant story highlighting how some people just can't help themselves.

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    1. Susan WenzelAugust 7, 2012 at 6:20 PM

      I guess that is why they call it an addiction. Some people hit rock bottom and keep right on falling.

      ~Susan

      Delete
  8. C.C. August 3, 2012 at 6:20 AM

    That relationship seems strained at best. Smoking from the stoma? Talk about dedication to your addiction. Just picturing that in his lungs skeeved me out. *shudder*

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    1. Susan WenzelAugust 7, 2012 at 6:28 PM

      I'm glad you liked this...or at least that it skeeved you out. haha. Thanks for commenting...probably my favorite comment thus far!

      ~Susan

      Delete
  9. AnonymousAugust 3, 2012 at 2:57 PM

    Die-hard is the word, Susan! There's obviously a lot going on behind the scenes in this story and I love the angst you set up here.
    I'm over here: http://elmowrites.wordpress.com/2012/08/03/friday-fiction-torment/

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    1. Susan WenzelAugust 7, 2012 at 6:32 PM

      I wonder if the son isn't looking forward to his father's impending death. This is a relationship worth further exploration.

      ~Susan

      Delete
  10. billgncsAugust 3, 2012 at 6:38 PM

    well done, reminds me of rushing to the ER ro see my father in the oxygen tent, tubes and machinery everywhere, and he couldn't speak and passes me a note "Sure could use a cigarette"

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    1. Susan WenzelAugust 7, 2012 at 6:36 PM

      Ouch, Bill. Thank you for reading and commenting. I'm glad you liked it...

      ~Susan

      Delete
  11. janetAugust 3, 2012 at 7:21 PM

    Good job but yuk!! I can well imagine some people would do this.

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    1. Susan WenzelAugust 7, 2012 at 8:09 PM

      Thanks, Janet. I'm glad you liked it...and found it yucky! haha.

      ~Susan

      Delete
  12. Danny BowmanAugust 3, 2012 at 10:01 PM

    That was really dark, and the image of him pressing the cigarette will remain with me for some time. Good work.

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    1. Susan WenzelAugust 7, 2012 at 8:14 PM

      Yeah...it gave me the creeps too. I could see the shriveled up old man through a cloud of cigarette smoke. Thank you for your comment!

      ~Susan

      Delete
  13. Rochelle Wisoff-FieldsAugust 4, 2012 at 5:23 AM

    Smoking ultimately took my mother's life. I hate cigarettes.
    You've built a lot of backstory into this small piece. I sense there's more to it than nicotine and oxygen tubes. Applause!

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    Replies
    1. Susan WenzelAugust 7, 2012 at 8:15 PM

      I really hate cigarettes too. I guess that is what spawned this story idea. Thank you for your kind comment.

      ~Susan

      Delete

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